Wednesday, February 21, 2018

A letter, a commitment, to vulnerability

Dear me, myself and I,

A lot has happened in the past three years.  You got another dog, you bought a house, you worked for a major state university.  You gained about a hundred pounds and then lost it all (except for a few stretch marks).  You've been filled with joy and, conversely, depression and anxiety.  Through it all, you've kept going and that's pretty awesome.  Thumbs up, girl.

Now you find yourself rolling out of another major life transition and you're going to keep going and being awesome.  Your sweet, dear husband re-enlisted into the Army last year and you've moved back to Texas.  You sold your house, left your job and family, and you are becoming.  You've left everything behind and are starting over with a fresh slate.  Its what you've truly wanted, deep down where nobody knew, for the past few years.  Its what you've enjoyed about this military life.  Like how you crave airports and packing your yellow bag and settling into cramped airplane seats every few months.  Probably because it challenges you and your fears and forces you to mature and grow with every move, but also because you hate feeling stuck.  There is a phoenix inside of you that knows your purpose on this planet is to truly grow into and evolve into and become your fullest, most true self.  You're realizing this more and more every day.

It takes effort and work to become who we truly are, but its also a privilege as Joseph Campbell has pointed out.

One of the things that you've committed to yourself to do this year is to write.  No need to write a novel, though that would be fun.  Just a little bit here and there everyday will do just fine.  But no matter what, write.  Write until its no longer hard to be yourself, until vulnerability is as comfortable as your favorite pair of sweats, until you can no longer hide behind any particular voice or pictures or lack of either.  Show up for yourself even when there's tension and pain.  Or even when you don't know what to do with yourself, when you and your life are overwhelming.  

Its time to put in the work to make you, us, me happy.  Really happy.  One day, one choice, at a time.

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