Something shiny and new

GUESS WHO GOT A NEW COMPUTER!
This girl, this girl right here.
My old computer broke for reasons that shall not be named and I take a full load of online classes, sooo a new computer was more than necessary.

Why do I feel like a such a perv when I type "full load"?

Anyways, my new computer is gorgeous.  I love it, it has a ton of storage space and the little side number keyboard thing that I don't know what its called but is perfect for my crap ton of accounting classes.

Seriously though.  It was between this computer and a MacBook Pro, and this computer won out because of the side number keyboard thing.  That's how important it was to me, or AKA I'm a huge school nerd.
That and I could just not handle the $1200+ price of a Mac when it does not have all the stuff I want, like at least 8 GB of ram...and a side number keyboard thing.  Just could could not do it.  The sacrifice was necessary and, to be honest, a bit depressing but a poor college student has got to do what a poor college student has got to do: get the better deal and drown her misery in cheap wine.

But now I can finally upload all my pictures from Neuschwanstein Castle!  That was such a fun trip, and the castles we saw were ridiculously cool, and of course my husband and I are suupperr photogenic (not) so our pictures are amazing (but they really are).
Obviously there's more to come when I actually find my camera and get around to uploading my pictures.  But for right now know that we had an awesome time and we road in a freakin' horse-drawn carriage up to a freakin' castle.  Cinderella much?  Yeah.

Sadly though I must now go back to sitting on my ass in my pajamas, studying cell structures and listening to pop punk.  'Tis my whole life in one sentence right there, folks.


Current stats:
Jon should get his orders for us to go home within the next week or so
I'm thinking of moving back home to CA instead of home to WA
There's a bug bite right between my boobs and it itches
The pup is, as always, ridiculously adorable

In too deep

My summer term for school started up today and I'm done playing games.  Ya heard?

I'm going to invest my time and efforts in to my work because (a) contrary to what I'm usually deluded in to thinking, I actually like school and (b) school's fucking important.

No more crazy procrastinating, no more just getting by.  I'm awesome and I should live up to my full potential for awesomeness.

From Pinterest

I think part of the reason The Gloom has hit me so hard this year is because I'm not living for me.

Still.

Or again.

However you want to look at it.  Either way, I've tried to sort this out before and it's still not going well.

I am so ...addicted... to taking care of other people and putting them first that I forget to keep some stuff for me to function with.  Patience, compassion, bravery, mad cooking skillz.  I get home from work at the end of the day and barely have enough oomph left to clean up after dinner.  I drive home on mental autopilot, walk in the door, take off my shoes and sink in to the couch where I let myself slip in to a nearly catatonic state.  It's so much easier for me to zone out than it is for me to actively participate in life.  And because I'm not taking care of myself, my grades have fallen apart, my body has fallen apart, my emotions have fallen apart.  Basically, I'm a mess.

Putting others before yourself is supposed to be one of the highest levels of compassion, right?  At least that's what I've been taught.  Treat others as you would like to be treated, the golden rule.  But the flip side of that proverb is that we need to treat ourselves as well as we treat others.  The same way that I expect myself to treat others with overwhelming kindness, patience and respect is how I need to be treating myself.  And it's okay for me to ask that other people, the ones who I've let in to my heart, to treat me that way as well.  If they don't, well, that doesn't make me any less worthy of being treated that way, it just means that those people don't have their shit together yet, and that's not my fault or my issue to deal with.

I have more thoughts on all of this, and there's more reasons why I've been depressed on and off for the past two-ish years, but those thoughts are just too personal to publish for everybody on the Internet.  So they'll stay trapped in my mind, chasing each other round and round.

><><><

Sometimes life sucks, and I have no problem admitting that (please see the above melodramatic paragraphs), but sometimes life is really, really cool.

Exhibit A:  I'm taking a biology class this term for which I received a lab kit (!!!).  My fancy, shmancy lab kit includes: beakers, test tubes, gigantic ass tweezers, unknown liquids, protective glasses and a mortar and pestal.  I am so excited to do experiements and make lab notes and be all science-y.

This little beaut was posted on Instagram right after I got home from the post office:

SCIENCE.

Exhibit B:  Friday night Jon and I had a CAMP OUT NIGHT that I rocked like a second grader, except better because there was alcohol and no bed time.
We blew up the air mattress right in the middle of the living room floor, ate junk food, quoted movie lines and quickly fell asleep at ten pm like the old married couple we are.


Caesar likes to spot jack.

Exhibit C:  Jon and I headed over to a friend's to celebrate her graduation from grad school.  I have such smart friends.
The ladies beat to death a metallic piñata and the guys hung out outside playing beer pong for most of the night.  We drank strawberry rum with cherry soda and ate some delish BBQ.  Burgers, homemade guac - my fave, carrot cake.

As a fitting end to an awesome weekend, I made fresh salsa and then spilled it all over the back seat of my car.
Well, really more like I acciently dumped the entire bowl of salsa all over the back seat.  And do you know how difficult it is to clean salsa out of a fabric upholstered cushion?  I didn't.  The temperature has been hovering around ninety degrees for the past few days so opening my car door releases a gaseous plume of hot spicy/garlicy air.*

Also, for the record, Jon said it would be okay back there but he was wrong.

*This event is not have included in Exhibit C as it is not something that I would define as "really, really cool", especially as mercury is boiling out of thermometers.


Breaking news.

I may have just finished two of my classes for the semester.
Okay, so I did finish two classes.
THIS IS HUGE.

I have five weeks of other assignments and three finals to complete, but these two finished classes are giving me that necessary push to not fail at life.  Because, ya know, I've been slumped in the couch reading romance novels for the past two weeks.  I also participated in some shenanigans this weekend that I'll talk about later, but most of my time has been dedicated to drinking coffee and reading about insta-love connections and soul mates.

I can't wait to be done with this semester for good.  Sigh.